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David’s Triumph

A young lad said to his father one day, “dad everyone say’s their bike is the best etc, but yours is the only one in the bible.”
His father replied. “How so mate?”
He said “it says in the bible that David’s Triumph could be heard through out the land.”

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The Secret To True Weight Loss Is Here!!

Do parts of you arrive five minutes before or five minutes after the rest of you?
Is your butt so big, Telstra are trying to launch a satellite around it?
Are your thighs so big the fire brigade follow you around to hose down the friction smoke?
Do you have more chins than a Chinese phone book?
Do you receive applause when you buy cloth from Tent City?
Does your partner scream when you are being amorous, not through enjoyment but because their body has gone numb?

If you answered YES to any of the above then for a tiny $3.99 you too can have the secret, YES $3.99 is all it costs!!

As an introductory offer I’ll give the secret away FOR FREE! Thats right, FREE (after initial $3.99 is sent). The secret that no-one wants you to know is in that $3.99.
By giving it to me, the $3.99 you have just given away, money, that would have bought you a happy meal at McDonalds – you are now on your way to weight loss.

ACT NOW!! Send me your $3.99 and receive the secret (secret contains nothing), and you too can look like the hottest movie star (conditions apply, may not work for all individuals).

(FYI: This is copyright so if you plan on stealing it then gimme credit or I’ll sue ya fat arse)

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Top Ten TV (so far this year :P)

I might be old but ain’t forgot what it’s all about :P so here is my top ten female news and or current affairs tv show anchors. They’re not in any particular order, just how they get saved of my PC.

Tracy Grimshaw

Tracy Grimshaw

Almudena del Pozo

Almudena del Pozo

Marilo Montero

Marilo Montero

Pilar García Muniz

Pilar García Muniz

Lisa Wilkinson

Lisa Wilkinson

Maria Casado

Maria Casado

Ana Pastor

Ana Pastor

Francisca García-Huidobro

Francisca García-Huidobro

Beatriz Perez Aranda

Beatriz Perez Aranda

Ana Ibanez Llorente

Ana Ibanez Llorente

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*shrug*

Me siento como un coño real – mi perro ladraba vecinos toda la noche por lo que se quejó ante yo. El Tomó al perro al veterinario y lo puso a dormir. :(

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As You Can See

I’ve changed the theme AGAIN :) one day I’ll leave it alone but I doubt that’ll be any time soon jejeje

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How close to Sinultimata Are We Going To Get?

Just got the quarterly leccy bill, $522 – that’s obscene when you consider that there are only two adults here and I barely watch TV which apparently is the biggest user of household electricity apart from things like fridges etc.

I was standing outside earlier and the way things are going, it reminded me of a paragraph or two or three from Sinultimata, a short story I wrote (and published so it’s well def copyright) in 2004;

“Echoing sounds of steel shutters bellowed across the darkening sky, as the sun seemed to force its escape on the horizon. Dull streetlights flickered into life, their weak illuminations a direct cause of power being directed to the more affluent suburbs so they could retain their twenty-four hours of daylight and security.

The howling of the security dogs, if one could call them that, pierced the night sky as they crawled from their fortified cages below the suburban houses. These were no ordinary guard dogs; they made the Pit-Bull of the late twentieth century seem like cuddly puppies. Even their owners, safe in their cocoons of steel and cement, never ventured outside while these beasts patrolled the high fenced gardens.

Gone were the days when children played in the streets against a backdrop of chattering women as the sun dipped low in the west. Gone were the days when children could safely walk and play in the streets at dusk, the orange glow of the sun their forever friend and guide – it was a sad day indeed when the government widened the gap between the haves, and the have nots.

Samuel preferred a non-confrontational lifestyle, but it rarely happened that way although his wealthy appearance did help on occasion. His ankle length leather coat and polished boots left him well out of place in this canyon of high wire fences and rabid dogs, but he enjoyed the silence it brought.

Rounding a corner he saw there, in the distance, the nightly group of well-heeled brats as he called them, four teenage boys and three girls – their designer label clothes completely out of place in this area of no name foods and people who threw their new born to their guard dogs to rid themselves of one more mouth to feed. . .

If you want to read the rest, you’ll have to buy the book – maybe it’ll help me pay me leccy bill :)

Anyhoo, as far as I’m concerned the Labor party and the Liberal’s for that matter – no let’s make that ALL politicians can go ’expletive’ ‘emselves then base jump from their ivory towers – just do us all a a favour and forget your parachutes!!

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